Self-Love = Holistic Healing

Feb 11, 2017
6 min read

This blog is purely from the heart... For a few that know me very well, they know the depths of my heart, the honesty of my soul, and the actual struggles of my life. But to most of the world, my life looked picturesque for the most part. While difficult to share my story (and trust that I've spent countless nights wondering if it would even be a good idea to share), I'm hoping my story at least helps someone else out there navigate similar trying times/situations. I'm not saying that I have the answers to all of this because I really don't. Instead, what I can tell you about is how I came to eventually find the courage to love myself enough to give myself a chance at experiencing genuine happiness in this lifetime.

Each and everyone of us have struggles, sadness, loneliness and pain in our lives at one point or another. No matter what situation we are in, we all have our own individual cross to bear. Over the years, I've actually come to realize that our strength can work both for us and against us. My greatest strength and weakness lies in my love and loyalty for others (particularly those I care for most). Raised with Christian values, such teachings have often served as the foundation for much of my decisions in life. Sticking to my moral code, never ever wanting to hurt others has always rested at the forefront of most of my decisions. Choosing to always love others...

From my career to my own personal life, this has always been my mantra: Love others.

While love and loyalty serves as my strengths, I've come to realize such flaws in my own belief system regarding what love should look like and how it should feel. Laced with preconceived notions of what I've learned about love (from fairy tales movies to even observing family and friends demonstrate love [and the lack thereof]), I am a product of my environment. But as time and years of experience has taught me...you can run from your truth, but you will never be able to hide from your own truth.

For me, loyalty is easier to exhibit and demonstrate since loyalty is often reciprocated. Love, on the other hand, its expression takes different shapes and forms not as easily articulated and properly communicated to underscore ones true meanings and intentions at times.

While loving others is always noble, I've learned that love is not at its best when you don't first make the cognizant choices in your life to love yourself first and foremost before loving anyone else. At the core, when you choose to put others before you (i.e., not genuinely being honest with yourself about your own emotional, psychological and even physiological needs), you eventually lose yourself. You lose your identity as you try so hard to please and conform to those you are most loyal to and love most. You distract yourself with work and/or other vices to suppress and regulate your true emotions and honest thoughts even. After awhile, you no longer recognize your own image in the mirror as you've transformed into the (preconceived notion of what you've been taught to be socially appropriate and normative [i.e., embodying what love and happiness should look like rather then actually living this ideal state]). This was once my reality.

I know I'm one of the few people blessed enough to somehow find the courage to truly love myself and truly love those around me to push through my own limiting beliefs and hopefully live a life that truly shines (not just for me, but for everyone around me). I've learned that once I gave myself this chance to shine, I also gave everyone I love the same chance to shine just as bright if not more.

This is love at its best...when you find the best parts of you being naturally reinforced.

While perhaps defined quite differently from what I was taught growing up, this new definition of love resonates with me today. Who knows what I may learn about love tomorrow. One thing is for certain, the more we allow ourselves to open up to actually experiencing love in its many shapes and forms, the better we will be able to find the right kind of love that's handmade just for us as we continue to grow. I hope this allows for a different (and hopefully positive) perspective for you if you've experienced a similar situation.

Along the way, I must acknowledge some very special people that have helped me get to the other side, namely God. He has put people in my path to help me along this journey, for whom I am forever grateful (Manh, my two kids MJ and Milan, Mom, big bro Vinh, little sis Lan, my extended family/cousins, and my friends...particularly Elyria, Anjala, and Clutch). Also, a very special thanks to my former and current students, as being in the classroom with you have actually helped me survive and you continue to inspire me to grow into a better version of myself each day.

Given that hindsight is 20/20, I can now share with you 4 key elements that played a significant role in my Holistic Healing Process:

1. Your Spirit: Asking for Help and Guidance. Before anything else, I asked God for his help to guide me because I could not see clearly. I placed my life in his hands and trusted him to help pave my path; I asked that he'd enable me to live the most beautiful life and be able to share the purity of my heart with as many as possible in this lifetime.

2. Your Mind: Strength and Courage. In all honesty, I know this has much to do with my personality. I'm one of the most stubborn and relentless people you'll likely find on earth. Once I commit to something, come hell or high water...I'm going to make it happen. Once I hit rock bottom (which is often what it takes), that was when I found the strength and courage to make bold moves. As I have always done in my professional life, this actually prepared me for my personal life. Finding strength and courage allowed me to focus on the positive gains of my decisions rather than focusing on the loss in my decisions. Focusing on the gains is KEY!

3. Your Environment: Creating a New Situation/Circumstances. In my case, this has much to do with a new environment I created for myself. This means setting up a new foundation for your everyday life (e.g., emotional, psychological, financial needs, work life needs, family needs, etc.). In my particular case, I knew I needed emotional and psychological support more than anything. So the first thing I did was to reach out to only supportive family members, colleagues and best friends to build a more comprehensive support system. When you actively create your situation/circumstances, you're actually garnering more strength to do what you feel is the impossible. You naturally start to hope and believe that your future can only be better than the current situation you're in. And the truth is...coming from the other side: You're right.

4. Your Body: Taking care of your health. When you are dealing with tougher issues in life, it's a lot harder to try to take care of yourself. But I encourage you to try your best because it gives you a sense of normalcy in your day to day life. For me, I've always loved running. And I must admit that there were many days when there was just no way I was going to lace up my running shoes... There will be those days for sure, but then there will be other days when you have a little more willpower, so try as best to maintain good eating and exercise habits because it definitely helps buffer the toughest blows as those come in waves.

I wish you all the best in the world in your daily life and through all your struggles. Know that you're never alone because you always have a friend ready and eager to help. All you have to do is ask. More importantly, know that all pain eventually passes. But it's up to you regarding how long before it passes.

What I once thought was impossible is in fact possible. I've now learned that its possibility was always up to me all along. The question ultimately goes back to how it is that you define (self)love...

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